Entry 8: Relationships

One of my most important relationships is shared between my Dad and I. We rarely talk, and rarely see each other now that I am grown and my parents are divorced. Despite the proximity, I hold high regards to our relationships because my Dad is similar to myself, and I find it rewarding to have talks with him when I almost always feel completely different to others. To me it's more satisfying having my Dad, who is so different--he's just great on thinking out of the box and still being logical. But yet, we're still very similar. When we hang out, we have tons of fun, and he shows/teaches me new and completely cool things.


When I was much younger, I feel that I liked my dad because he was always there. My parents were together, we were in the same house. Although I didn't really know him as a friend and an individual, I still enjoyed his presences because he was always near. And of course, the physical and biological fact was that we were very similar. My dad liked sports, and I had the tendency to enjoy them as well. If my dad was watching jeopardy, I'd join him as well. And then being able to please my dad was always better than being punished. So it was also a rewarding kind of a relationship. I knew that if I kissed enough ass, I'd get whatever I want from my dad in comparison to pulling the same semantics with my mom.
Definately being older, there is a better establishment of disclosure. I can get on a personal level with my father, and he will definately give me the confidence that he is listening because he cares and that I can trust in him. As of now, I think our relationship is within the bonding although it has gone through its stages of coming apart. I remember specifically in the later years of my high school career, that I hated my dad. This time frame was also the time that my parents were at the pinacle of their divorce. The papers were being processed, my parents lived under the same roof but slept in seperate rooms; they couldn't stand being in the same room. Before this divorce, I never thought about knowing my dad as a person. He was just my dad, and that's what it was supposed to be. And to hear from my dad's mouth that he no longer loved my mom was very disturbing and made me jump straight into avoiding him, along with feelings of differentiating, circumscribing, and stagnating. The relationship between my parents shouldn't have implicated the relationship I had with each of my parents, but it did. I had so many conflicting emotions, and all this pulling sides and what not really drove me crazy. I don't think at the time I was well aware of what I was feeling or how to even resolve these emotins. Luckily, my dad did realize how I might have been feeling, and so he disclosed more of himself to me. He told me more of what he felt, and how he planned a future relationship between himself and I, but more importantly he reaffirmed me that my emotions are important to him and that this divorce was not intended to hurt anyone although how necessary it was to do it. Having that talk, brought a lot of balance to my mixed emotions, and definatelly reaffirmed my position in the relationship between my father and I.
Since this father-daughter talk, it's been very different to have a a better relationship. We have a good relationship, but at times it's still awkward. I know my dad means well, and I do also. But having that stage where I absolutely hated my dad really hurt him. We definitely talk as much as we can, and hang out together. So far, honesty is the best policy between us. But it is difficult to find the comfort in being honest. Usually if I have something to ask or a question, I usually start out with "hey so remember that one time...." or I have to just say, "Dad can I ask you something?" It's like I almost have to test the comfort level before I become vulnerable. But its the same thing for my dad, he starts off "So hey what have you been up to?" instead of just being forward in asking, "Will you be available for this or that" or "On this or that day is a function at my house..." So there's a lot of hinting, and I think it also makes things a little bit more difficult to become more comfortable instead of being straight forward. I'm not sure how to resolve this issue, but I can deal with the slight discomfort for now.

We're leveling out on the experimenting step, and getting more involved with the integrating and intensifying levels if I were to compare our relationship to Knapp's Relational Model. Regardless, I'm completely satisfied with our relationship, and think we can only get better.