Entry 9: Responding Non-Defensively

In the past, a co-worker and I have shared an obvious disagreement through body language despite never formally saying out our troubles verbally to each other. One day, being so overly stressed, I told one of my supervisors about why I was stressed and even broke down into tears. I explained how I feel like I consistently am picking up after his slack, how he doesn't carry himself very professionally and as a positive role model for the kids, and that it's frustrating that the kids we work with are picking up more of his bad habits when I feel that I'm trying to do a great job and be a positive role model but can't because of his lack of sincerity. So this week, my co worker, who I was having problems with, and I were seated down for a talk to settle things out.
My co-worker says “I feel like you’ve taken over the environment. You’re just so firm, and difficult to approach.”
My response was, “Well I apologize for putting up an aura that you can’t talk to me. My intentions are not to make you feel uncomfortable, but to be a figure that is doing my job and being a positive role model, especially since majority of these kids lack simple manners and are offering a lot of attitude in their speech and body language. I’d like to create an environment that is serious before I become fun and creative. I personally think that these kids lack that kind of knowledge that they need to learn how to work hard and earn a good reputation to then be trusted and then be fun. These ideals I am pursuing are not intended for you. So I apologize for that. But on the other hand, I would appreciate that you understand where I am coming from. That I’m simply trying to do my job.”
Luckily, I thought of that pillow method we learned in communications and realized that there were the four steps to resolving my emotional issues in a completely mature manner that will still be able of making my perception clear. After this, we did settle things. I took in what I did wrong, and was able to make compromises from there on with my co-worker.

Yesterday, my friend, Ross was hosting a Laker v.s. Nuggets party. I noticed one of our other friends, Mark, had a new tattoo of a beautifully colored rooster on his bicept, so I asked, "Hey that's a cool parrot. Why'd you get it?" I was being totally sarcastic, and he says, "No rachel, it's a rooster. Dummy." and so I continue, "Oh, same difference. Why a rooster?" Then my boyfriend who is sitting next to me says out loud, "It's because he's a cock." Everyone in the room giggled a little. And Mark decided to refute by replying, "No Aldrin (my boyfriend), I'm a cock sucker!!" And he starts laughing. Everyone in the room got awkwardly silent and looked at Mark as he sat in the corner of the room basically by himself. After a few moments of the awkwardness, everyone roared into a laughter and pointed at Mark.
After realizing how stupid he made himself, he left the room trying to laugh it off as well. But later, he comes up to me and says "You're messed up, Rachel."

Now it took me awhile to reply back. I could've blown it off and totally drilled him in more for the comment he made. But knowing I truly didn't do anything wrong, I acted non-defensively. "Oh Mark, it's no worries. You were joking. We all were joking. Everyone will forget it. Don't get all worked up over it. We're all friends." It was very casual how I dealt with it. I could've went straight into a statement like, "No! It's all YOU! Weirdo. Homo!" But I tried to calm him down, and let him know it was a simple mistake so he wouldn't be feeling such a huge disappointment in me or himself. Had I acted defensively and accused Mark could've resulted in a terminate friendship. I don't want to make enemies or even more problems in my life.

I think too many people are uptight, taking things into the wrong light. As easy as it is to get worked up over the petty things, sometimes it takes a little bit of non-defensive action to make the petty things our greatest pleasures. Life is always good when you're willing to believe it.