Entry 7: Emotions

The Tahitian Competition- At my first big, renowned Tahitian competition I wasn't taking a whole lot of training. I had just left my group and was in the process of finding another dance group to practice and grow with. All I hoped for was to make it past the first wave of eliminations to the finalists division. But when the competition got closer and closer, I got more anxious and nervous. Even 10 minutes before going on stage I contemplated quitting right then and there. I felt like I didn't stand a chance in the competition because prior to this contest, I had only been in two other competitions. I felt like I was dead weight, making all the other girls look way better since I was that inexperienced. I felt like I had nothing against these girls, I wasn't nearly as perfect.
I had over generalizations about the entire event. Just because I lacked the experience didn't mean I lacked the talent. It wasn't about being absolutely perfect, just showing the judges that dancing was in my heart. And I also could say I experienced the fallacy of should. I kept telling myself what I should have been like, when I really should have been telling myself about how great I am and reassuring myself.
Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the finals. But I'm glad I had the experience. Being on stage and competing was an experience I'll never forget, and now I know what to do for next time around.

The Disney Audition- I had never auditioned or been interviewed for a part in even a high school performance. I've always been invited. This time my audition was with Disney to be located in Tokyo for a year long contract--living, dancing, and on salary pay in the greatest city. Basically a free ride without having to be military personnel. I was really excited and fit all of the qualifications, but had never auditioned for any kind of an event. Being at the try-outs, I got really sick. Mentally, I was over thinking everything. Physically, I was throwing up. I had never been so terrified, and I think the Tokyo Disney representatives read my nervousness. They tried to give me another chance to redeem myself, but I let myself give up and froze even though I knew the choreography that was taught to us. I went through the fallacy of helplessness. I don't know why to this day I choked up, but I did try out again the following year. I was invited to join the Florida Disney contract at their Polynesian resort, but I declined the invitation. School became my priority.

Job Interview-Earlier this month, I was interviewed for a higher position at the Boys and Girls Club, but at a different location that was closer to home. I went through all kinds of emotions. I was trying so hard to not be nervous, so I provided a very laid back demeanor. But then I gradually began to imagine how lame I looked if I was in the position of the interviewers, and I got nervous all over again.
I went through the fallacy of should, thinking so hard about how I should be looking and what not. I totally over looked how I should be performing, not my stupid posture. Although it is a component, I could definitely redeem myself in answering the questions thoroughly and carefully, and by definitely showing more interest.
And yeah, I probably looked extremely lame. Because I never got a call back. Hah.

Job Interview #2-Two weeks after the first interview came the same position, but at my current Boys and Girls Club location in Lake Elsinore. I was to be interviewed by one of the same interviewers and my current supervisor, Lisa. But prior to the interview, Lisa called me to ask me to reschedule the interview at a different time, and if I would let my co-worker, John know about the rescheduled interview time. After knowing my co-worker, John, was going for the same position I got really panicked. John was new to our team, but not to the company. He's been showing an outstanding behavior as worker, despite being new. If he got the position, I'd be really sour because I'd have to see him every day knowing he beat me. And reversely, he might feel the same way. It'd be really difficult and awkward. I got suddenly got really scared.
I had these catastrophic expectations that my co-worker and I would hate each other. My doubt and worries should first be about the position. And regardless who gets the position, we should be carrying out good team-player attitudes and being an efficient worker.
I have yet to see if I get the position.