Entry 5: Nonverbal Communication

Face and Eyes
As a hula dancer of more than 10 years, I have become very accustomed to utilizing my face to further express the value and meaning of the song I am dancing to. But being a teacher to girls as young as 5 years old, I find myself overly exaggerating this way of communication. Like when I'm teaching in class, I have a tendency to really show that I am lifting my eye brows and smiling really hard so that the young girls will see the importance of smiling and having a charming facial expression during their performance. But when I have to switch gears and teach some of the older students who are of the ages of sometimes 40 years old, they laugh and giggle at me quite often. Saying stuff like, "is your face alright?" It's funny that I get into that mode that I have to over emphasize when teaching to little kids. But the idea that I am communicating--the importance of putting on a performer's face--totally gets through to them. It might not be completely successful with my older students, but they get the idea as well.


Clothing
Whenever I go out clubbing with my friends, I find myself constantly unsure of what to wear. Of course I keep in mind that I want to be cute and attractive, but I also give consideration to what the opposite might really be thinking. I've gone to a club once in a mini skirt (which tends to be really mini due to my long legs) and halter top that was skin tight. To me, it was a beach type of outfit, to the opposite sex I looked like a naive easy target. All kinds of guys were hitting on me, and it was really infuriating some of the remarks I got. They were more comfortable of letting me know their sexual desires. I had to get out of the club, with my friends along. It was all too crazy! Ever since then, I've chosen to dress way more classy than straight provocative. I honestly, didn't realize that given the environment and clothing that others would get this perception of me that I was some easy girl off the streets.


Time
When I go to a job or even an interview, I try to get there on time. I'd say about 70% of the time, I arrive early and on time. At other times I arrive on the dot or maybe a few minutes after. But when it comes to my boyfriend and his functions, I totally get there way early. If he tells me to be at his house at 5 p.m. I'll go to his house by 9 a.m. I get really excited and anxious to see him.


Territoriality
The other day I was talking to my boyfriend, telling him about what would be the ultimate bachelorette's pad. And one thing I had said was that I wanted a huge closet. Now I'm not that into fashion and what's hip in the latest trends, but I keep myself somewhat posted and updated. As far as what I would fill in the closet, I'm not really sure, but it's always fun to have tons of clothes and play dress up. I guess by having that kind of space would show off the idea that I have spare time on my hands to have fun whenever I want, and that I have the money to fill up that kind of space with all kinds of fun. Many celebrity females are big on shopping, and I'm not any different, although I'm not sure that I'm good at it.


Distance
In working with little kids, I always notice how they love to get into my intimate zone. To them, it's not a big deal to give hugs, and be close to an adult. When it was my first day, I already had some kids clinging onto my legs, and yet I barely knew them. It was flattering that they felt comfortable around me, but at the same time, it made me feel completely weirded out. In my mind, I was like, "these are some random kids. I don't know what kind of mess and bacteria they've been swimming in!" But to them, all they wanted was my attention and affection since I was the new staff. Or when they simply ask me, literally to my face, "can you take me to the bathroom, I can't hold it anymore." I've gotten into the idea that I put my arms out onto their shoulders, and take a step back. At many times, they get the idea that they were a little too close for my comfort without me embarrassing them.


Touch
Whenever my boyfriend and I are having a serious discussion I always utilize this way of communication. When my boyfriend is telling me about some stressful event in his life or what not, I feel compelled to shut my mouth and massage his head at his temples. He has told me many times how it soothes and relaxes him, making him feel comfortable to be able to talk to me about these feelings. But when we were first going out, I used to never touch him. And when he'd even speak about any kind of problems, I sat there quietly staring at him. He took it like I was bored. I never gave much feedback, but out of all honesty I was simply listening. I've made it a habit to hold him, rub his back, or massage at his head because I do care, and that I am showing him that he can unwind with me.


Physical Attractiveness
Going to a club is always easy for me and my friends. We dress into our nicest clothes, and get totally dolled up. Why? Because we want to skip the long lines to get into the club, and just flirt our way through to the bouncer and get into the club--sometimes getting in as V.I.P. Yes the idea of going out is to go out of the norm and look your absolute best, but for us, having that attractiveness could get us more than what we expect. As females, we know this power, and I for one, feel that I have done well at manipulating the opposite sex into what I want because I have physical beauty as a part of my appeal.


Physical Environment
In my room I've posted posters and pictures that are examples of my liking. So there's a lot of hula photos, pictures with my friends, and all sorts of other stuff that I've collected from traveling. By posting up these things on my bedroom walls, visitors can get a better idea of who I am, what kind of person I am, what I like and so forth. People who come into my room are already translating ideas about me based on my bedroom decorations. When my boyfriend first was introduced to my room, he noticed that I had a lot of hula orientated stuff on my walls, and it was a given to him that I was a dancer.

Kinesics
At my job at the Boys & Girls club, I run this program where I teach middle school girls the manner and etiquette to being a more lady-like. I told this story about how I had a boyfriend for 10 minutes and got caught by my Mom hugging the guy. But as I was telling this story, I was demonstrating my actions and how I was pretending to hug this guy, and even what my facial expression was when I got caught. The funny thing is, the story is already funny, but I was still adding all this extra drama. I guess subconsciously I was heighten the drama to communicate how crazy the story was.

Paralanguage
When I speak to my parents in tagalog, at many times I forget how to say a certain word. Like instead of saying that I'm really ticked off, I say the word "mad," but I say it with a lot of emotion to further communicate the intensity of my ferocity. To my parents it's funny, because I've forgotten the word in tagalog that I really mean to say, and usually never take me seriously. But I guess what matters is that they understand my idea and intent by the volume I use or extra groaning put in with the word "mad."




I think for the most part, I am pretty good at communicating my ideas whether it is nonverbal or verbal. But in the nonverbal sense, sometimes I am a little over the top. I'm definately more of a person who is into the idea that actions speak louder than words. As far as nonverbal communication goes, it's pretty evident to others what my ideas might be, how I feel about a certain situation, or if I'm really hungry or not. So on a scale of 1-10 and 10 being the best, I'd say I'm an 8 or 9. And as far as noticing these nonverbal cues from others and myself, I'd say I'm also an 8 or 9. I am the type of person who is very observant and quiet, just because I really want to get a grasp of what's being communicated through all medians of communication. Like when I have a problem, I am very cautious about saying what's on my minds. I know for sure, that I like to read the other person before I get involved because I want to prepare myself about how I'm going to bring the subject about, be ready for a defense, or be ready to make sure the issue is being avoided. So majority of the time, I depend on nonverbal communication as a means to further relay my ideas and thoughts.